Hair

It's Nightime in the Big City
A fat man spits cherry pits into a cuspidor
Freshly fallen snow turns gray in the gutter
“We got quite a show for you tonight. it's about a subject that everyone's familiar with, and I can talk about it off the top of my head…Gonna be playin songs about hairdos and hair don'ts.”

The Singers and Songs

  • Bill Carlisle
    Sally Let Your Bangs Hang Down
    “The Voltaire of Hillbilly music”
  • They Might Be Giants
    Bangs
  • Eddie Noack – Gentlemen Prefer Blondes
    Gentlemen Prefer Blondes
  • Piano Red
    Bald Headed Lena
  • Sonny Burgess
    Red Headed Woman
    “You hear a record like that and you wish more rockabilly bands had trumpets.”
  • J.B. Lenoir
    Don't Touch My Head
  • J.B. Lenoir
    Don't Touch My Head
  • Ray Price
    Bright Lights and Blonde Haired Women
  • Professor Longhair
    Bald Head
  • Hank Ballard
    How You Gonna Get Respect (When You Haven't Cut Your Process Yet)
    “A political statement that you can dance to”
  • Joe Clay
    Don't Mess With My Ducktail
    “He may not have made it big, but that doesn't mean his records weren't any good.”
  • Louis Jordan and His Tympani Five
    (You Dyed Your Hair) Chartreuse
  • Elvis Costello and the Attractions
    Baby's Got a Brand New Hairdo
  • Eddie “Cleanhead” Vinson
    Cleanhead Blues
  • Johnny Cash
    You're My Baby (demo)

The Other People and Players

  • P.G. Wodehouse
  • Rapunzel
  • The Brothers Grimm
  • Larry Chess
  • Billy Boy Arnold
  • Clara Bow
    grew a bob “Maybe someone should write a song for these women called ‘Almost Grew My Hair'”
  • Coco Chanel
  • James Brown
    barber from Philly who claimed to have invented the duck's ass in 1940
  • James Brown
  • Vladimir Lenin
  • Nikolai Lenin
  • Alan Brady
  • Carl Reiner
  • Jack Benny
  • Lucille Ball
  • Matt Groening
  • Salvador Dali
  • Al Capp
    Lil' Abner
  • Basil Wolverton
    cartoonist who drew Lena the Hyena
  • Dr. Feelgood and the Interns
  • Beck
  • Kurt Schwitters
  • Paul Gaughin
  • Dolly Parton
    " “I'm not offended by all those dumb blonde jokes, because I know I'm not dumb. I also know I'm not blonde." A wise woman that Dolly Parton.”
  • George C. Scott
  • Boris Karloff
  • Matt Groening
  • Lucille Ball
  • Muddy Waters
  • Frank Sinatra

The Other Songs and Albums

The Guests

The Books and Poems

The Movies and TV Shows

  • The Dick Van Dyke Show
    (Clip played)

The Places

  • Jersey City, NJ
  • Prairieville, TX
  • Lower Slobovia
  • Tahiti
  • Massachusetts
  • Bourbon Street
  • England
  • Louisiana
  • Chicago

Record Labels

Magazines

Famous Bald People

  • Yul Brynner
  • Sean Connery
  • Larry David
  • Mister Clean
  • Ron Howard
  • Ron Howard
  • Samuel L Jackson
  • Howie Mandel
  • Charlie Brown
  • Charles Barkley
  • Andre Agassi
  • Lex Luther
    “I gave a bald-headed friend a comb. You know what he said? I'll never part with it.”

Kings Who Wore Wigs

  • Louis VIII
  • Edward
  • Louis XII
  • King Phillip
  • King George II

Famous People Who Wore Bangs

  • The Beatles
  • Marlo Thomas
  • Prince Valiant
  • Moe
    “Arguably the smartest of the Three Stooges, but I'm more of a Shemp man myself”
  • Andy Warhol

Famous Redheads

Famous Blondes

  • Grace Kelly
  • Marilyn Monroe
  • Britney Spears
  • Lisa Kudrow
  • Goldie Hawn
  • Paris Hilton
  • Gorgeous George (The Human Orchid)

Famous Hairstylists

Hair Product Jingles

Hair Quotes

  • Shakespeare
    “There's many a man who has more hair than wit.”
  • Samuel Goodman Hoffenstein
    “Babies haven't any hair, old men's heads are just as bare, from the cradle to the grave lies a haircut and a shave.”
  • Albert Einstein
    “Long hair minimizes the need for barbers, socks can be done without, one leather jacket solves the coat problem for many years, suspenders are superfluous.” “I always knew I liked that guy”- Bob

Hair Care Tips

  • Brush your hair before going to bed each night
  • Avoid brushing wet hair (it stretches and eventually breaks)
  • Trim you hair once every 7 weeks to avoid split ends
  • Never wash you hair with very hot or very cold water
  • Learn to relax; hair loss can be caused by stress
  • If you hair is oily cut down on fried food and fat
  • Drink plenty of water

“There's only one cure for gray hair; It was invented by a Frenchman. It's called the Guillotine. You may not like getting gray hair, but consider the alternative”
-PG Wodehouse